Back to the Super(PAC)

By Andrew Fletcher

The FBI confirmed reports on Monday morning that they had lost contact with the two Democratic presidential candidates, CNN anchor Anderson Cooper, and the audience of the Democratic debate Sunday night. As many watched at home, it became more and more apparent that the debate seemed to travel back in time. Topics like the NAFTA trade deal, the Brady Bill against guns, Bill Clinton’s jobs records, a crime bill, and welfare reform verified many suspicions. While the federal government is doing everything it can to return the would-be Marty McFly’s, there are obvious, positive outcomes to this predicament. Now those who oppose Bernie Sanders can’t play the age card, as he’s a spring chicken in his 60’s. Hillary Clinton has returned to talking about how great her husband is, rather than Benghazi. Wolf Blitzer was heard muttering to himself behind camera, “I’m glad that upstart Cooper is gone. He always wanted my job.”

It’s possible that the only way to bring them back is to call on Christopher Lloyd, and history shows he would propose reusable energy as a time travel solution. That could spell a final solution for climate change. Despite a concerted effort to bring them back, it remains a possibility that they wouldn’t want to return. If I were in their position, I probably wouldn’t. In that world, Donald Trump is a failed businessman, not the leading Republican presidential candidate.

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